Obama Pays Mexico 5 Billion Dollars to Hold Donald Trump
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—President Barack Obama defended his decision on Wednesday to issue a payment of five billion dollars to Mexico to compel that nation to retain custody of Donald J. Trump.
The payment, which shall be delivered to the Mexican authorities in laborious American forex by Wednesday afternoon, will insure that Trump will stay in Mexico for the remainder of his natural life.
“I’ve been assured by the federal government of Mexico that Mr. Trump will likely be properly taken care of and, if he proves to be a productive member of their society, can be offered a pathway to Mexican citizenship,” Obama said.
Whereas the switch of funds to Mexico sparked howls of protest from some Trump supporters, it was hailed by congressional Democrats, in addition to by over 100 Republicans at present working for reëlection, together with Arizona Senator John McCain.
The President bristled on the suggestion that paying Mexico to maintain Trump was “reverse ransom” and an extravagant use of taxpayer cash. “There is just one correct phrase for this cost: a discount,” he said.